2017 is about to end soon so it is that time of the year where we will ask everyone around what is our 2018 resolutions. I, for one, was never that person with any kind of resolution. However, a few weeks back, some things have been running around in my mind and I guess I will be blogging about it. I just realized, this is only my second post for the year...how sad is that?
I won't lie that I am a working person with a 9 - 5 job and barely having enough time for myself. Since September of this year, things have been hard for me to just keep up. They say if you have a problem, the first step is to admit that you have a problem. I don't think I have A problem, I think I have multiple problems so here my confessions and also my resolution...not just for the year 2018, but also for my future.
I am not a good person. Be it a human or a Muslim. As a human being, I know I am not perfect, no one is but I think I can put myself in the category of not a kind person. I don't have an evil heart but I do get envious of everything and perhaps everyone. More importantly, I will never look for the good in people. Usually I can only see the bad in them. More importantly, as a Muslimah, I do wear hijab but I am one of those Muslims who hardly ever pray 5 times a week or even find the time to pick up the Qur'an and just sit and recite. It's bad enough that i don't know Arabic, but it is even I guess for not even trying. That is my first problem and most probably the worst of the multiple.
Next, I am suffering from eczema, very severely I would say. It has been more than 10 years and I have yet to recover from it. I am not denying that fact and I have never denied it, I just never bother to really work hard to get it rid of it. I know the things to do to improve my skin condition but I am just to lazy to try and that brings me to my next problem - I am a procrastinator and a lazy bum. I usually would prefer to just sit on my bed, read a book (if there is one) or just watch useless YouTube videos or play some silly games on my phone. To make matters worst, I hardly ever try to do my laundry or try to change my bed sheets and pillow cases. My size and thighs prove how crazy lazy I am. And the amounting work at home and at work, that shows how bad of a procrastinator I am.
Lastly, and this is very serious, I know I am still a liar. I lie almost all the time about everything. I use to make myself feel better by telling myself that I exaggerated a lot but now I know and I am admitting first hand that I never exaggerated. I have only ever lied to everyone - my family, my friends, my co-workers and everyone else. Believe me when I say this, admitting even by blogging and knowing there is a possibility that someone or a lot of someones will be able to read this (some probably people who knows me and who can figure out that this is me) is a really hard thing to do. And the reason that I am saying this out loud leads to my 2018 resolutions. However, I am trying my best to start the changes today.
I took a look at a few pictures for the past few days and I came across a picture of of The Temple of Aphaea (picture above) and something hits me really hard in my chest. The historic ruins against the bright blue sky reflects on the person that I want to be in the future for the rest of my life. I don't want to change my character, the fun-loving and carefree person who loves animals and children and enjoys eating good food but at the same time, I want to be someone who can be a better friend, daughter, sister, aunty, colleague and of course hopefully a responsible spouse. That is my main resolution - to be a better person.
The plans are in the works and believe it is really hard which is why I am trying to start now. But I hope that when 2018 begins, something will happen. I will be on the rod to become the person that I want to be and of course the person worthy to be loved by my Creator. That is pretty much the only thing I want. To hold on to what is good about me, right now and to change everything that wrong and unacceptable by Him. And of course, I want to have perfect skin...one day.
Pray for the better!!!